Three Years Ago Today...

...this came out of me and life got a lot more interesting!





This is one of my favorite pictures.
My mom is holding Geof here and those are my dad's hands cradling his head

Geoffrey Hayden
Friday, January 31, 2003 @ 2:58pm
8lbs 9oz, 21" long

Last Stop On The Potty Train...Time To CELEBRATE!!!!!!!

I didn't want to jinx it, but now that Geof is tucked away in bed I can say it. Geof is finally house broken!!! Actually, he went all day today in underwear...Batman underwear to be exact...without a single accident!!! I thought I'd never see the day!! That familiar pang of bittersweet bliss hit me again, but damn it, I'm so happy I could pee myself....but I won't. Geof is quite pleased with himself, too. We'll have to see how things go tomorrow, but I think we're finally on the right track. After Christmas I started taking one toy away every time he had a dirty diaper. Needless to say his toy baskets were getting pretty sparse. After Wednesdays success he was allowed to have one of his favorite trucks back, that went over pretty well with him. Today he got a few more trucks back, which went over very well. I think he's catching on. Although I'm sure the extra incentive helped, I think it was just getting that first poo in the pot over with that has helped him turn the corner. After the incident with the toilet in Knoxville (last paragraph), I think Geof was pretty much traumatized for a bit. For now all is well, I guess the next milestone to look forward to is kindergarten!!

Geeeesh, Someone Was Bitten By The Bitch Bug

Oy, blame wacky hormones for that last post...I later took a nap and felt much better...behold, the wonder of sleep.

Tired

I'm tired...
...of being cold
...of feeling invisible
...of Nathaniel being gone
...of my home
...of my car
...of feeling tired
...of wasting my days
...of responsibility
...of everything revolving around money
...sometimes of living
...of doing dishes
...of not feeling accomplished
...of being referred to as weird
...of worrying
...of smoking
...of having to be the bigger person
...of stretch marks
...of winter
...of having no will power
...of having no motivation
...of feeling forgotten
...of smelling the paper mill
...of having to be frugal instead of choosing to
...of lacking self-confidence
...of falling short
...of being alone
...of apologizing for others
...of being awake
...of not feeling productive
...of typing this

There, now I feel much better.

Riding The Potty Train

photo courtesy of corbis.com

On Tuesday, I will "celebrate" three years of diaper duty. Sure I haven't been the only one to change Geof's diapers, I've had help, but I've changed more than anyone else. Tonight, however, my little guy pooped in the pot for the very first time and after over 6 months of potty training, this is definitely a high point. He'll pee in the pot most of the time, but still has accidents, but this is the first time he's pooped....and I mean a real poop, not a little rabbit pellet. I realize all you folks out there without children are most likely appalled that I'm blogging about this, and that's ok. But I'm sure I do have an audience who's been in my same situation. Here's how it all went down...he came to me and said, "Mommy, I feel like I need to go potty." I put him on the toilet and he stayed there for several minutes. I went back when he said he was finished. I checked like I always do and to my surprise there was the most beautiful turd I'd ever seen. It wasn't particularly beautiful by any means, just your average turd, but it was beautiful because he put it there and not in a diaper. We celebrated; I did my happy dance, he did his happy dance, I hugged and kissed him and told him how proud I am of him and then I started tearing up. I'm not going to miss diapers at all, but it hit me like a ton of bricks how fast he's growing up. He's a kid and he's doing what kids do, but it still tugs at the ol' heart strings. He's been a baby/toddler for so long it's painful and beautiful all at the same time to witness his growth towards manhood. It's just like the book says..."I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

Music Makes Me Happy

I have been a lover of music since I can remember. I do my best to support it in any way I can. Nathaniel introduced me to a band called The Woodbox Gang 4 years ago and I haven't looked back since. The Boys recently quit their day jobs in order to pursue music full time. Blah blah blah they totally rock my face off, so if you feel it in your heart why don't you help a brother out?

Bologna! It's Baloney!!

via Lynlee.....WEEZER ROCKS MY FACE OFF!!!

Your 2005 Song Is

Beverly Hills by Weezer "My automobile is a piece of crap My fashion sense is a little whack And my friends are just as screwy as me" You breezed through 2005 in your own funky style!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

In My Room...

Your Room
	The Window: Your Attitude Your choice of the forest reveals a person who is lush, verdant and fertile. You are complex. At times serene and tranquil, you provide an atmosphere of relaxation and retreat which is a very powerful magnet. But you are not perfect. You habitually needle people. In your youth you swayed to the hot, pulsing beat of "Light my Fire" (despite the danger it posed to yourself, friends and family). Frequent anti-fire lectures by Smokey the Bear fell on deaf ears. With greater maturity you can now see the forest for the trees. Success for you now may be better defined as a branch office and an oak desktop. Conversely you may be hiding a secret desire to dress as a girl and sing the Monty Python song, "I'm a lumberjack." Whatever -- you know the ultimate truth "No tree grows to the sky."
	The Music: Your Lover You rock while your partner rolls creating a pulsing beat that reaches to your very core. Your passion is deep and demanding, yet can often be fickle as it is pulled from one trend to the next, constantly trying to find a real hot groove.
	The Pictures: Your Relationships The choice of the Rad Storage Box reveals a deeply practical, yet radical individual who inspires friends and family to work alongside in peace and harmony, toiling with transparent glee and the refreshing innocence of youth as necessary items are sorted, collected and stored. Very rad.
	The Garbage: Your Problems Problems are no stranger to you. Your generous, hard-working nature has left you open to everyone dumping their problems on you daily. While this would cause worry and stress for lesser mortals, you have accepted your lot in life with maturity and humility, understanding that other people's problems are bringing you one step closer to salvation.
	The Clock: Your Future Your future is marked by exploration and safari adventures taking you to warmer climates. With a childlike exuberance and naivete, your sense of playfulness may find expression in the composition of rhymes and riddles involving cats, mice, zebras and horses. But your grown-up sense of fair-play demands that you use resources wisely. Recycling is an integral part of your future.

I found this through Lynlee's blog. It's your average Freudianesque personality quiz. What struck me, and demanded blogging was this line...
" In your youth you swayed to the hot, pulsing beat of "Light My Fire" (despite the danger it posed to yourself, friends, and family)."
This could not be more true...literally. In high school, I used to play bass guitar in a little band with a few of my friends. One of the songs we used to play a lot was "Light My Fire". To this day when I hear that song I am immediately taken back to that time in my life. Just thought I'd share. Click here to see what your room is like.

Reason #3479 Why You Should Not Trust Your Government

Today is my Dad's 51st birthday. Just because the guy can't catch a break and the universe loves a good chuckle at his expense, he found out today that the state is taking away his computer and camera.

A little background info...

After my Dad's health began to decline and he could no longer do the work he'd been doing all of his adult life he found out about vocational rehabilitation. It's a state program that pays for people in certain circumstances to go back to school to get a degree and ultimately find employment. My father applied and was accepted and graduated a couple years ago with a degree in graphic design. The state provided him with a computer and very nice 35mm camera. My Dad was told that after he had the computer for 3 years that it would be considered his. Apparently, the person who told him this was mistaken.

This morning Dad got a call saying that they would be picking up the computer next Thursday along with the camera. Geof and I are headed down to see them this weekend because he needs me to help him delete all of his personal files from the computer.

All this just makes me sick. What more does he have to go through. If I were to sit here and tell you his life story just from the last 10 years you'd say that there was no way that one man could be handed so much shit in one decade. He has no legs from the knee down, he's diabetic and has all the ailments that go along with that. He can't work...period, yet, he has been denied disability benefits twice now. This last time he called a lawyer and they're supposed to be working things out with Uncle Sam. It's been over a year with no progress. Geof is the only reason he's still alive I know this because he's said it. My mom is the sole provider. She's overworked and underpaid and their life savings were depleted years ago. It's not like he's looking for a handout, just a hand up. He needs help. They are maybe 2 pay checks away from living on the streets. He paid into the system, why can't he get the help he desperately needs and is owed? What's really a kick in the nuts is the fact that his doctors are stunned that he hasn't been approved for benefits. Anyone he has ever told his story to have been appalled by the social services system. Several people have contacted the governor and other political officials for help. All anyone gets is a generic letter with a generic letter head and stamped signature. Hell, I've even written to fucking Oprah Winfrey on several occasions. What are people supposed to do? There is a man we know of who had some kidney trouble, but who could still work to support his family and is now 100% healthy who is on disability and his driveway is full of brand new cars, he lives in a brand new house, etc. It's not fair. Nathaniel has offered to take my Dad to Raleigh so that those fat fucks who make the decisions can see for themselves what kind of shape he's in physically. The emotional toll that all of this shit has taken on him is very hard for me as his daughter to watch. He is a shell of the man he used to be. It's frightening to realize your own father's mortality. He's always been a big tough burly guy. He's wasting away and wishes for death. Thanks be to all that is good in this universe for Geof....he keeps us all going. But is it fair to put so much weight on a 2 year old's shoulders? Granted he doesn't know any different. But if he did, imagine the gravity of it all. We are all part of the reason that he is here, but he's the reason that we stay.

Happy birthday, Daddy, I love you more than you know.

Right To Brag

I just have to brag on my husband for a bit. Talk about a renaissance man! Last night I asked him if he would cut my hair because the split ends were driving me crazy. I told him that I would bend over (get your mind out of the gutter!) so that my hair was straight up and down and that I wanted him to cut about 4 inches off, straight across. This gives it a layered look, and has worked in the past. He did that and it came out great. Then he really got into it and started trimming some uneven spots because, "if something's worth doing, it's worth doing right!" I really like the way it came out. The day before that he made homemade pizzas....3 of them and some calzones. He made a meat lovers pizza; ham, pineapple, and cheese pizza; and a veggie pizza with tomatoes, spinach, basil, and cheese. The calzones were made with leftover toppings. Everything was from scratch even the sauce. My absolute favorite was the ham and pineapple. So much better than anything you get at a restaurant! He is such a good cook....too good.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. We had to say goodbye this morning. He'll be back next weekend and then we'll head down to my parents place. One of our favorite bands is playing a show down there and we're really excited to see them. Plus, we're going to take my Dad and I think he's looking forward to it as well....but not as much as we are.

The Meme and then some random babble that may only be interesting to me, but that's ok because it's my fucking blog

The 7 Meme
Thanks a lot Deneen! ...nuttin' but love...

A. Seven Things To Do Before I Die...

1. Go back to school to become an RN
2. Travel...anywhere
3. Own my own house
4. Hold a few grandbabies, possibly some great grandbabies
5. See Geof grow to become a well-adjusted, happy, caring man
6. Live in a tropical location for a while
7. Drive a car with manual transmission

B. Seven things I cannot do

1. Sing
2. Ski...snow or water
3. Watch someone put contacts in...makes my eyes water
4. Live without music
5. Drive a car with manual transmission
6. Keep my house clean
7. Drink malted milkshakes or eat Whoppers (the candy)...I hate the flavor

C. Seven things that attract me to....

1. My husband: I am always amazed at how giving he is
2. My son: He's cute, smart, and a natural comedian...what's not to love?!
3. My best friend Morgan: She's been there for me when most people would have run the other way
4. Cedar: The smell takes me back to kindergarten...I love it!
5. The country (as in rural life): Some of my most treasured childhood memories are from when I lived way out in the country. I like the feeling of isolation and freedom and self-reliance.
6. Crochet: I love the magic in taking a long piece of string and turning it into something useful or not so useful yes, I crochet and I have a blog totally dedicated to it...and yes, I made a boobie pillow...bite me!
7. Music: I can't even begin to explain it...I cannot live without it!

D. Seven things I say most often

1. Do you need to go potty?
2. Stop that!
3. GEOF!!!!
4. Shit!
5. I love you
6. Stop jumping on the couch!
7. I love you, too

E. Seven books ( or series or genres or topics ) that I love

1. Medical textbooks
2. Historical events
3. Important people from history
4. The history of the area in which I live
5. Short stories
6. Cookbooks
7. Really good kids books

F. Seven movies I watch over and over again ( or would if I had time )

1. Super Troopers
2. Dazed And Confused
3. Thelma and Louise
4. Stand By Me
5. Animal House
6. Full Metal Jacket
7. Forest Gump

G. Seven people I want to join in, too.

Everyone I know in the blogosphere has already done this one...so, I'm not going to do this one

AND NOW, A QUIZ


You taste like chicken. Your succulent thighs,
legs, wings, and breasts melt in the mouth.
Your crunchy outer coating barely hides the
juiciness within.


How do you taste?
brought to you by Quizilla

....um, ok.....

MOVING ON...

I have this thing called a stat counter and I can see who visits this blog, how long they looked around, where they're from, how they found me, etc. etc. My favorite thing about it is the part that shows which keywords were used to search the internet to find my blog. Here are some recent winners...
"she sat down to pee"
"foreskins by the quart"
"pic beating a dead horse"
"Schneider sucks"
"pictures of people holding books"
"trucker boob"
Some of these phrases I remember typing, but others are just fucking weird! Also, there is someone in Key West Florida who spends hours looking at this blog several days in a row. I don't know whether to be creeped out or flattered. In any case...big shout out to Key West!

I guess that's all for now. I'm out of topics and I think I smell poop...and that's never a good thing. Take care, folks!

Title Shmitle

I hope the New Year finds you all well. I just had a really depressing moment just now. Here I was thinking all day that today was Thursday. I was excited because Nathaniel is due home this weekend (either Friday or Saturday). I checked the calendar on the computer here only to discover that it is only Wednesday. I hate when that happens. We failed to get a 2006 calendar so I feel like I'm kinda out of the loop.

This post has no point, I'm just bored and feel like typing. Upon returning from The Road, we found out that while we were away our neighbor's house was burglarized. The punks took a TV, some medication, money, jewelry, and a couple pistols. They used a big rock to break the glass in the back door and then let themselves in (they were caught 4 hours later). Luckily my neighbor wasn't home. She's an elderly lady who lives alone. I also cringe to think what would have happened if I had been home. I can't see her back door from inside my house so I would have had to go outside to inspect things...and I would have if I'd heard the breaking glass. I told Nathaniel that I want a handgun for my birthday. Nothing too pussy and definitely not a hand cannon. Just something that could maim and possibly kill should the need arise. Nathaniel has some shotguns, but I'm not comfortable with them. Plus, I'd rather have something that isn't so noisy when loading the ammo. I hate drama, I really do. Our home alarm system is on the fritz and isn't working so I'm on-edge 24-7. I feel violated and it wasn't even my home that was broken into. Did I mention that I hate drama?

Let's see, what else can I babble on about...? Hmmm, January is full of birthday's for my family. Here they are in order(I'm sure you couldn't care less, this is just to help set my internal alarm clock thingy)...my Dad (10th), cousin Emily (26th), Nathaniel (28th), Mom (30th), and Geof (31st). That's right, my little baby will be 3 years old. 3!!! I honestly don't know where the time has gone. Before long he'll be talking back, eating everything in sight, messing up the house...wait....he already does all that! I wish I could slow time a little bit. I try to enjoy each day as it comes, but they just fly by way too fast. ...sigh...

This part of the post has nothing to do with anything. I'm typing this whole post as a stream of consciousness kind of thing. I've heard a couple really good quotes lately that have stuck with me. "I live for the times I'll never remember with the friends I'll never forget." and.......well, crap I've forgotten the other one, but it was good. Maybe it will come to me later.

Well, I guess that's all for now. Take care and hug your babies because when they start walking, they start walking away.