Holy Smokes!!

Guess who just peed in his potty? MY LITTLE GEOF!!! That's right. Last night after his shower he got out and announced that he was going to use his potty. I thought to myself "yeah, right!" But to my surprise he danced on over sat down and peed!! I was jumping up and down singing his praises and we laughed and danced for awhile. I told him how proud I was of him and his eyes were so big and bright and full of pride and joy I wanted to cry!! I put him to bed and called Nathaniel first but only got his voice mail then my Mom. She was just as proud of him as I was. But then she had to go a ruin the moment and say something to the effect that it was about time and that he was getting too old for diapers. Say what you will but as his MOTHER I didn't think he was ready (physiologically, emotionally, etc. etc.) until he made this first step.

SO THERE!!

I Am A Follower...

Click it, beotch! Everybody's doing it!!

Always Look On the Bright Side Of Death!

I'm sitting here eating my breakfast of 3 eggs fried in butter...which a bit odd for me since I'm a scrambled egg kind of gal. I'm sipping on a cup of sweet n' creamy coffee that I've iced down....it's too hot to be drinking hot coffee already this morning. Geof is running around with his little water gun yelling, "BANG!! BANG!! BANG!!" I asked him what he was doing and he replied simply, "Shooting the cat." This cat is great...and I don't like cats at all. This one is growing on me! Geof gets along so well with him. I guess I should say that the cat gets along well with/tolerates Geof. Geof can get a little rough at times, but it's all out of love. Nathaniel is having a little better time this week. He said the other day that he pulled into a truck stop and had to park his rig in a way that he had to back up into his blind spot. He said that when he got it stopped his CB blew up with all the other truckers calling in to give him kudos. I was glad to hear that. Nathaniel sounded pretty pleased with himself. Sometimes it's just the small things that can get you out of a slump. It doesn't hurt either that in only 4 days now he can sleep in his own bed next his wife who absolutely thinks the world of him more and more everyday. Bachelors. I spent all day yesterday cleaning the apartment of a friend of mine. A dude. A bachelor dude. Holy Shithole Batman! I was there from 11am-6pm. I might have been done a little sooner, but I had to bring Geof along with me. At least he paid me to do it...and I worked hard for that money! The toilets looked like they hadn't been cleaned in about 3 years. The living room carpet had big dark stains all over it. The kitchen hadn't been swept in a very long time. The sink drain was growing something. When I was finished I came straight home and took a very long hot shower. I felt bad for him, I mean I know he was embarrassed about it but I was glad to help out. He looks like a big mean man, but is a total sweetheart. He's been working 2 jobs lately and just hasn't had the time nor the energy to clean his place up. He has a friend moving in with him next week so it needed to get done. Mandi to the rescue!!We have the most awesomest landlord. I had to call him up yesterday to ask if we could pay him half the rent today and the other half on Friday when Nathaniel gets paid again. I had been dreading this call all weekend. Everett said that we could do whatever we needed to and I told him that we really appreciated his patience and understanding and that we really enjoyed living here. I wasn't buttering him up just trying to express to a hard working country man that we thought a lot of him. He said that he thought a lot of the three of us. etc. etc. We're really lucky to have someone like him as our landlord other wise we'd be on the streets.Ok, to explain the title of this post...for those of you out there who may have read it and thought I was on the brink of suicide. I sat down to write this post and usually I have the title already in my head. Today was no different, and the first thing that popped was a little tune from a Monty Python movie called "Life of Brian". The scene in the movie where this little tune appears is where Brian and several others are being crucified and they all start singing this cheery little tune..."Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"

Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
Don't grumble, give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...

(the music fades into the song)

...always look on the bright side of life!
(whistle)

Always look on the bright side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten!
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,

When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps,
Just purse your lips and whistle -- that's the thing!
And... always look on the bright side of life...

(whistle)
Come on!

(other start to join in)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(whistle)

For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow!
Forget about your sin -- give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it -- it's the last chance anyhow!

So always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!

And always look on the bright side of life...
(whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life
(whistle)

and the saga continues...

Seems like shit is hitting the fan everywhere I turn. June hasn't been the best month for a lot of folks I know. Here's the latest in my journey...

Things are a little better today. Geof and I went to Knoxville with Morgan (my bestest bud) on Friday. We had a blast. There's a park there where the World's Fair was held in 1982 and they have a fountain where water shoots up at various levels and kids can play in it. We took Geof there yesterday and he was a bit scared at first but it wasn't too long before he was going balls out and absolutely loving it. Today we took him to a couple different parks with some really cool play equipment and back to the fountain. He slept the whole way home today (about 1.5 hours). He hadn't had a nap in two days although he slept really well at night. I hope he's not deciding to give up his afternoon naps because some days I live for nap time!! It was really great to spend some time with Morgan. We had a lot of fun. She'll be moving to Missouri for a few years in a couple weeks. It was a nice little weekend getaway for everyone. Best of all we got to see Nathaniel!!!!!! Turns out he was driving through and stopped in Knoxville for the night. We picked him up and he spent the night with us and we took him back to his truck this morning. It was very bittersweet. He almost cried and let me tell you, the man never cries! I'm really hoping that this week will be better. He's already burning out. At least he'll be home this weekend for a few days.

Our kitty is doing well. I found about 6 fleas on him Friday night. I'm not sure if he came with them or if he picked him up in the house...who knows. I bathed him in the sink with some warm water and dish soap. He wasn't too keen on the idea and I've got the claw marks to prove it! Today Geof and I visited our hometown economy killer (WalMart) and I bought some flea drops. We'll see how that goes. I forgot to get a flea collar so I'm sure we'll be back. yay. Deneen suggested that his smelliness might be caused my worms. I wish that I had read her comment before going to the store. So I guess that makes excuse #2 to go back to HellMart. yay...again.

Let's see what else. Oh yeah my swelling and rashes have made a return. I think I'm allergic to stress! Funny Geof story. When we arrived in Knoxville, Morgan and I went shopping. As soon as I lifted Geof up to place him in a shopping cart I smelled poo. yay. So we went next door to use their restroom. I got him all clean up and was putting his pants back on when a toilet gets flushed. That was the loudest toilet I've ever heard in my life. Geof was spooked by it and grabs on to me so I couldn't' put his pants back on. Next thing I know another toilet gets flushed and he screams bloody murder and starts wailing. I tried to explain that it was only the toilet but that didn't work. We left the restroom immediately. So here I am with a crying 2 year old wearing only a shirt, diaper, and shoes and saying, "it's only the toilet". Oh yeah this was a restaurant. Finally I get him dressed and for the next two hours all says is, "it's ok, it's only a toilet." We had to visit a couple other public bathrooms during our visit to Knoxville and Geof hated every one, loud toilets or not. I really hope he isn't traumatized for life because we're trying to get him headed in the direction of a diaper free existence.

Last little tidbit, my Dad is out of the hospital, still not quite up to par. At least that's some more good news.

Until next time...

WARNING: This post is rich in strong language...read at your own risk

FUCK SCHNEIDER!! That is all I have to say about that company!! We should have known, this is America, all big companies are run by evil dick heads swimming in money. They don't give a shit about the people out there slaving away lining their pockets so they can buy sports cars, and diamonds, and mansions, and all that bullshit! This whole growing up thing and finding out what the world is really made of really sucks. I'm not a naive person, but I have morals and values and it just shocks me the way money changes people. Schneider promised us the moon, but has bent us over countless times fuck us in the ass. We are their bitches. If Nathaniel backs out of his one year contract we will owe them $5,000. I guess I should tell about he latest load of bullshit. Nathaniel is currently out on the road so he called to check on the balance in his bank account because today is payday, the rent is due, and I need to buy groceries, and the credit cards are almost maxed out. What a surprise!! Schnieder fucked up his paycheck. He is guaranteed no less than $500, but only $300 was deposited and we were expecting a little over $700. All this on top of the fact that we've been living with $300 paychecks for long enough now and things are wearing mighty thin. Nathaniel called and was really upset. He wasn't raving mad (like me) he was quiet and really sounds like he's wearing out. He has been busting his ass out here. Schneider works him illegally 75% of the time (which I think is standard practice in the trucking industry). I told him that the most important thing on that truck is not what is in the trailer but who is sitting in that driver's seat. I am not willing to lose my husband so that some fat cat somewhere can buy a golden toilet seat. Fuck that and fuck them! Nathaniel doesn't mind hard work or working hard but it's the lying greediness and the way he's been treated that's getting to him. I hear it more and more clearly every time I speak to him on the phone and honestly that absolutely tears me up inside. I tried to cheer him up today and I told him that if he wanted to leave that I would not think any less of him and fuck anyone who did. We will survive no matter what. We've already been through hell and back (long story for another time) this will just add to our collection of merit badges.

...sigh...

There that feels much better. In other news my father is in the hospital again. Alcohol induced pancreatitis. I have little sympathy. I love him dearly and wouldn't trade him for the world but he's an alcoholic. At least he's a happy drunk. He has gotten better over the years, he doesn't pass out in the living room with a lit cigarette or pee in closets anymore. I didn't even know he was "sick" until well into high school. I just thought he kept falling asleep on the floor. My mom had to tell me. I've lost count with how many episodes of pancreatitis this makes. I'm just so tired of watching him kill himself. He needs help, but no amount of "intervention" makes him realize that. Maybe I'll go for a low blow and throw Geof in his face and say "Hey fucktard! You wouldn't clean up your act for me, what about him?" Maybe I won't be as harsh but my point will be made.

...another sigh...

In happier news...we have a new kitty!! He is absolutely gorgeous. He's tan with reddish orange stripes all over and amber eyes and a cute little pink nose. All that coming from a dog person, I'm about to barf. Anyhoo, he is adorable and Geof absolutely loves him. We haven't named him yet, Geof and I are waiting for Nathaniel to see him first. (Geof calls him kitty kitty for now) Our neighbor gave him to us because she has two cats and a dog already. My only complaint is that this cat has the worst smelling farts!! They're almost vomit inducing!! Which brings me to my last heart warming story...

Geof knows about farts, what they sound like, and that they stink and all but I don't think he realized where they come from. So after kitty kitty's latest round with flatulence I said "PU kitty pooted!!" and started fanning the stench away from my face. Geof thought this was funny. Then he asked "Where is the poot?" and he looked at the cat. So I begin explaining the origin of farts. One really takes this knowledge for granted, but it was fun to teach. Thank God for 2 year olds without whom there would be no comic relief or spontaneous moments of complete humbling.

Thanks for listening.

...just me dusting out the cobwebs in muh head...

Loneliness is starting to set in. I'm starting to realize why people are drawn to or crave interaction/socialization. It's a dangerous thing when one has too much time to think. Time is all I have anymore. I think about my past, present, and future; I think about politics; I think about where I want to be in 10 years and which path I should take right now to get there. I am a college dropout and I'm very ashamed of that fact. In one respect I'm glad I left because since then I've thought a lot about what I want to be when I grow up. I was on my way to becoming a Registered Nurse and then eventually a midwife. After having a child I discovered that exploding vaginas aren't really my cup o' tea. The whole process of pregnancy the physiology and biology of it still fascinates me, but I can't stand people. There...I've contradicted myself. Here I am talking about how I'm craving some sort of social life and then I say I hate people. I think it's my lack of interaction that has lead me into this hole. It's a whole drawn out saga that I'm too tired to type, but I know would probably help me if I did. I've been a stay-at-home mom now for 872 days. I've missed out on all of the normal early 20s bullshit. I'm not saying that I don't love my son and I'm not looking for pity. It goes back to the whole thinking too much thing again. I'm looking for camaraderie. I would love to meet someone just like me who has traveled a similar road. I have one friend. She is my best friend and has been for a long time. She was my birthing coach when Nathaniel was a dick. She was there when Geof was born. She's been with me during all my highs and lows. But she has no idea how I feel because she's never been in my shoes. Nathaniel has his own demons. He has sacrificed a lot for us. But he's never been the staty-at-home parent. Both my parents worked when I was growing up. I just want to sit down with someone to say hey, I feel this way...you do too? cool!! Honestly, I think I just need to get out of the house and away from Geof for a bit. I love him dearly and when I am away he's all I think about. Maybe I just want someone to tell me what in the hell I do now. I knew what had to be done when I got pregnant, that was easy. Now that Geof is happy and healthy how do I get myself back together? I want to go back to school and be somebody. I want to earn my own paycheck so I can buy myself a car. I've dreamt of having my own car since I was 16, I'm 23 now. I don't want a brand new something off the lot, I just want something that I picked out and plastered with my own stickers and named, and called my own. I want to be able to afford health and dental insurance. I'm tired of treading water, going nowhere and feeling like I've fallen through the cracks and been forgotten. Bingo!! That's it!! I honestly feel like I've been forgotten. Since I became pregnant I focused solely on the health, safety, and happiness of my son. When we visit with anyone, Geof is the center of attention. Nathaniel has told me where I am on his list of priorities...after Geof. I wouldn't want it to be any other way, really. Geof is my world and Nathaniel's as well. Raising a child is a huge responsibility and we accepted the challenge. I just need someone to talk to, a real person, not some online support group kind of thing. That's a bit difficult since people like me are doing what I'm doing...whining in some blog entry. Fuck maybe I'm just bipolar. I can be super duper happy and super duper sad in one day, or happy for a few months then sad for a few months, or happy for a few weeks then sad for a few weeks....you get the idea. I guess it could be hormones, too. Maybe I'm just thinking too much again. I wish I could find the damn off switch sometimes!! Thanks for listening but I request no comments please. I know someone will read this and I don't really care, but I think I will be a bit embarrassed in the morning so I'll just pretend that no one will see this so don't burst my bubble and comment. Just let me have this one fantasy. Hell I don't even know how coherent this thing is. It was written with very little thought and more like a stream of consciousness thing. I'm not even going to proofread it...I will check for spelling errors because I'm anal like that.

Nuttin' Much

Ding dong the fleas are dead!! I hated to have to resort to chemical warfare but that is what it took to rid my home of the little shits. We visited my folks for the week while my house was too toxic to inhabit. Well, we didn't have to be gone that long but Geof loves his grandparents and I really needed a break. Ok, picture time!! All thumbnails are clickable.

This is Geof at the little "zoo" we visited a few weeks ago

This Joe...Joe the Camel. He had fun drooling on Geof and Geof liked feeding him animal crackers shaped like camels.

This was Geof's first up-close encounter with a member of the opposite sex.

Geof...being Geof and no that is not a gigantic cavity it's an Oreo cookie.

All-American boy, no? Check out the "dirt mask" on his face.

D'oh!

This one is my new favorite. A picture really is worth a thousand words.

Medical Oddity Odyssey Continues...

Ok, so the redness that was on my palms is gone but the soreness is still there. Now there's a rash on both of my sides above my hips and some weird thing on my elbow that is similar to what's on my hands. The tops of my hands are swollen, sore and itchy. I had to remove my wedding ring because that finger has now decided to join the party. I would really like to know what the hell is going on. I have no idea what could have caused this because I haven't ingested anything new nor have I been using any chemicals. Another thing that is odd is that the red areas are really warm to the touch. I'm not running a fever and I feel normal. This is getting really annoying.

Speaking of annoying...fleas....the little fuckers are still here!! They always wait a few days, let Geof's skin heal and then BAM right back at it!! Well, little do they know it but Monday is D-day for the little bastards. I bought a flea bomb and it drops Monday morning. Nathaniel will be leaving out then and Geof and I are going to stay with my folks for a week. Hopefully that will be the end of this saga.

Strange But True

Well now my left wrist has presented the same symptoms as my right. They're both sore,red, swollen and itchy, but there's no rash and the red areas are hot to the touch. What the hell is wrong with me? Nerve damage? Cooties? Allergic reaction? I'm totally at a loss. This is the most bizarre medical thing that has ever happened to me. Usually it's my father who baffles the medical community. Any suggestions?

Funny Little Geof Story

So Geof had a little bit of a sore spot on his bum this morning. He said, "Mommy, put some creamer on it."

Another Geofism...lately he's been saying, "Wait! I got an idea!!" You know you're in trouble when you hear that one! I think it's pretty cool that he says "an idea" instead of "a idea". Pretty smart little turd, if I do say so myself!

Some Low-Class Drama For This Mama

I had a very interesting evening. At about 4 am this morning I awoke to the sounds of what I gathered were two men shouting at each other. The language used was...quite colorful and very very loud. I thought they were in my yard. You must understand something, I live in a quiet rural town where everyone keeps to themselves but still looks out for their neighbors. I was scared shitless. However Mommy Mode aka fuck-with-my-kid-and-I'll-blow-your-damn-brains-out mode kicked in real quick. All of the windows in the house were open so it made it kind of difficult to pin point where exactly the voices were coming from. The yelling had settled a bit with longer and longer pauses between outbursts. I debated whether or not to phone the police since the voices were coming from notorious dipshits. Total white trash in every sense of the word. No grass in the yard because it's covered with junk cars, pieces of wood, metal, trash, etc. 15 dogs running around half starved and barking all the damn time. No trespassing signs up everywhere....like anyone would really want to set foot on their property. The ASPCA and the police are frequent visitors...yeah, those kind of people. While trying to decide about calling the police I heard more screaming and yelling, glass breaking, and some screaming and moaning as if in pain. I quickly found the phone book and called the police. The lady picked up after the first ring and all I said was, "Hi, I live at {street address} and I just woke up to some men yelling." She says, "Yes, we already have police there." Go PoPo, Go PoPo!! From the voices I heard in the dark apparently it was a fight between a father and a son both of whom were very much intoxicated...how sweet.

Ya know, something told me last night that I should keep my cell phone close by...I'm glad I listened!

Whoa...That's Weird

The Tale of the Missing Cherries

Our sweet little cherry tree had four sweet little cherries on it this morning, and now there are none!! They would have been ripe this weekend. I'm kinda bummed because I was looking forward to Nathaniel seeing them and us sharing the fruits of our first "harvest". Yeah, I'm a total bonehead. When Nathaniel comes home I really enjoy our little walks around the yard. We inspect all the new growth in the garden and with our trees. I like to garden, but he loves it. I know he misses not being able to get his hands dirty when he's out on the road. He dug up one of our mums and planted it in a half gallon bucket just so he would have some greenery in the truck with him. I really hope that it was some sort of wildlife that got to enjoy our juicy, sweet cherries and not some dipshit bastard.

Mommy, I'm Scared

I will admit that at twenty three years old I am still afraid of the things that go bump in the night. I have a very active and creative imagination when it comes to these things. Geof has really freaked me out a couple times. A few minutes ago I heard him calling for me and opened his bedroom door to find him curled up against it with his nose under the crack at the bottom. He was really scared about something. I asked him what was wrong and he said that his bed made a noise. Geof is no weenie. He's a tough little boy. But something really scared him. I was in the room right beside his and I didn't hear anything.Another time I heard him playing in his room and talking. He came out a few minutes later and I asked him who he was talking to and he said "Cassie". My pulse quickened a bit because that was my younger sister's name who died 10 years ago this coming November. Goosebumps!! The thing is I've never talked with him about her and I don't talk about her very much. She's always in my thoughts, but I just don't talk about her. I thought I grieved her death and got over it. But it's getting harder instead of easier to let go. That's a whole other drawn out post.

I've Found A Lump

I woke up in the night last night and my wrist was itching. I didn't think anything of it. It's been itchy all day but I never noticed a bite or a rash, I thought it was dry skin. I noticed a little while ago that there is a lump on the inside of my wrist on the pinky finger side. I pushed on it and it was a little tender. I pushed on it some more and the lump started spasming. I let go and it stopped. I kept pushing on it and it sounds and feels like there's something rubbing together in there....almost like when you rub a balloon. Kinda weird.

You Can Call Me Susie Homemaker

I really lucked out when I chose my mate. He cooks, he cleans, he brings home the bacon, he's a creative caring lover, superb father, and he makes it possible for me to stay home and care for our son. He drives a truck now and we see him for about 3 days every 2 weeks. I have been spoiled with all the terrific dinners he would prepare when he was home. Now, I'm the cook. I'm not horrible at it. I mean, I can do a little better than Ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese, but I'm no chef. Tonight Geof and I had pinto beans with ham and red onion and a pasta salad. I also made a dessert...from scratch!! I liked it and Geof inhaled it. Of course that's not really saying a lot because neither of us are picky eaters. I feel so womanly.

Geof played outside most of the day and of course came in filthy from head to toe. That's muh boy!! He took his shower, got slathered up with baby lotion, and we read his favorite story...Thomas and the School Trip. We both have it memorized. We sang some silly songs and talked about our day and as we're giving our goodnight hugs and kisses he wraps his arms around my neck and says, "Goodnight, Super Mom." My knees wanted to buckle leaving a blubbering mess on the floor but I just said "Goodnight, Super Geof." And no, the compliment came without any coaxing. Although he is two, he may have thought he was saying, "Hey Mom, your breath smells like poop." He did say the other day after stumbling and falling down that he was a "big drunk". Where the hell do they get these things? Ahhhh, some days it really rocks to be somebody's mama.